对不起，我爱你 ;

Tears ... rolled down my cheeks once again . It hurts so so so much i swear . I know i'm in th wrong this time round . I have always been in th wrong . I made you angry , disappointed , sad countless of times . & i also said sorry countless of times . But you were wrong to say that i dont mean it when i say sorry . I can tell you that i meant what i say . I didnt expect that you would give up this easily . Its just really not my day today . My mum left home due to some family problem issue . She cried , i cried . I swear she's th best mum ever . Her hugs are awesome . I can never find another mum just like her . She's limited edition . I miss her already . & today , my boyf & i broke up . I'm not sure if this is an official break up or its just silent break . Or maybe he just needs a break from all th bullshits i gave to him . I cried for th entire afternoon until now . My friends say that my eyes are puffy . I cried till i get an headache . I'm feeling so empty right now . You just left me . Two of th most important person , just walked off . I swear i mad love my boyf . I just cant accept th fact that he's gone . One of my girlf told me this . " If there's still love , there's miracle " I can try to believe in that . I'm just afraid that once he's gone , he will never come back to me . I need him so badly , i love him so much . I told him that he can never find another who would love him as much as i do . I'm just so obsessed & crazy over him . Baby , i swear i will change . I was just still studying your character , your attitude , your personality , i'm studying on what you dont like & stuffs . For that past 27 days , i've learnt that you get angry easily , you're sensitive , you get jealous easily , you're stubborn , you dont like it if i were to do silly things , you dont like it when i go out with guy friends , when you dont get enough sleep , you'll rage easily , you cant get to sleep when someone is at your house , you love to drink ice lemon tea & coke , you dont like it when people comes to takecare of you when you're ill . Thats all i can remember for now . I'm sorry for not listening to your words . You asked me to not come to your house because you're very tired . But i still went to your house . I'm sorry , i just miss you . I just want to take a look at you . I just want to be by your side . We both get jealous . I get jealous because i love you & i dont want anyone else to have you . I'm selfish . Yes i am . I just want you all to myself . I'll fuck all those bitches upside down if they were to attempt to steal you away from me . You're mine . I dont care if they are going to get me hospitalised . I'll fight for what it takes to have you all to myself . Hey baby , you remember when my feet was hurting when i wore that heels while walking to marina barrage ? & i took off my heels & walk barefooted ? You were afraid that i might hurt my feet . & so you piggyback me ? You remember those 11:11 messages . I remembered you told me " baby , 11:11 i love you " You gave me a kiss on th forehead . You remembered when i gave you massages on your back ? Even though i'm not really good in massaging . You remember you asked me to sit on your lap while you do situp ? & each time you get up , you'll kiss me on my lips ? You remember when i was in school on th first day of school ? & i got sent back home because of my hair color ? You wanted to give me a surprise . But it was a failed surprise . Hehe i'm sorry baby . I miss all th times we had together . All those silly jokes , silly laughter , silly arguments . I'll wait for you okay ? You mean everything to me . You're my world .

People reading this , you may call me stupid or silly or whatsoever . But you guys need to know that i really love him too much . That too much is beyond what words can express . We had too much memories together . Even if its only 27 days . Our first monthsary is just 4 days away only . What am i going to do now ? I thought i could spend valentine's day together with this special him . But it seems like i was wrong . I want him back with me so badly . This feeling... sucks alot . Anyway , i'm going drinking tonight with my bbg yiqing . I'll get myself drunk tonight . After that , get home & have a good rest . If not i'll just keep crying non stop . Those tears...