想要把心里的话告诉他，
却又找不到那个勇气
I'm so happy that there are still people visiting my blog oftenly to read my posts . Because there are barely people who bother about reading blogs anymore . About a few years back , i have alot of friends who blog everyday But now they no longer blog anymore . I used to blog about my everyday life but now that i'm so busy with my work , i seldom have th time to blog anymore . Even though its my off day , i would either rest at home or catch up with my friends . & now i'm blogging because its already midnight & i have literally nothing to do . Blogging is th only place where i can express & share my feelings , my everyday life to everyone who is reading .
Recently , i have been feeling rather stressed up . I dont even have any idea what am i feeling stress about . I lose my temper very easily . Be it a small issue or big issue . I get annoyed very easily even when somebody is worried about me , or caring for me . Sometimes i just wish to be left alone & not disturbed . I appreciate those people who still stay by my side regardless of how many times i lose my temper . I just cant find th right words to express it . It feels like i cant control my emotion . I felt so useless whenever i start raging & i cant do anything to make myself feel better or even those people who are concern about me . Th only person i wont lose my temper to is th person who i have always been thinking about . I think developing feelings for him is a wrong thing to do but you know , you can never control or decide who you want to love . He is so much older than me but to me , age is just a number & i dont even know how can i have feelings for him . Probably to him , its just puppy love , crush , or infatuation . Probably to him , i'm just a young girl & he should just ignore & carry on with his life . But he does affect my mood . Having to know his presence around me makes my day better & i feel happier . When he isnt around , i had no mood for anything & i dont feel happy at all . He have this pair of beautiful eyes & i just dont know what attracts me to him . A guy like him is hard to come by for me . He's just th type for me just like th few i had . Just everything i need . Its not like i have nobody chasing after me . I'm not boasting about it but i mean , which girl does not have admirers ? What i'm trying to imply on is that none of my admirers is th right one for me . This is th reason why i have been on my own for a year plus . I have been waiting for my kind of guy to appear . & yes , within this 1 year plus , i've met about 2 of my kind of guy . But it didnt work out for them . It hurts every single time when i've finally met th kind of guy for me but i'm just not th one for them . I'm not complaining that after all th effort i put in & it just didnt work out . I'm just saying that it cuts me deep inside & i barely have any hope for this anymore . I have been pondering about this issue for quite some time & it gives me a headache . It feels terrible to bottle it up to myself & keep this feeling as a secret . Sometimes i feel like i need someone to talk to about this . I have been thinking if i should let him know just to let it off my chest so that i'd feel better . But clearly , i know that if i were to tell him , he would probably just draw a line between us & keep a distance from me . That is something that i would not want it to happen . Anyway , i dont have to ponder about whether if i should let him know about it already . I have a gut feeling that he found out about it a few days ago . You can call me sensitive or paranoid but i feel that he is trying to draw a line in between us . Just what i expected . I have never expect that he would have any reaction or response to it . At least i feel better that he already knew . At least now i feel better that it have been expressed on this blog .
I apologize for writing this boring blog post . It must have been boring to read about this . Furthermore , its a pretty long paragraph hahaha . It must have hurt your eyes to try to read too . I just need a place to rant & express my feelings . Dont bother asking me to talk about it to a family member or a friend . Th only possible person i would talk to is my favourite girl , Vanessa . She have been through ups & downs with me , through thick & thin . She have never give up on me & never left me . Cant afford to lose her . 5 years of friendship & still counting ...
却又找不到那个勇气
I'm so happy that there are still people visiting my blog oftenly to read my posts . Because there are barely people who bother about reading blogs anymore . About a few years back , i have alot of friends who blog everyday But now they no longer blog anymore . I used to blog about my everyday life but now that i'm so busy with my work , i seldom have th time to blog anymore . Even though its my off day , i would either rest at home or catch up with my friends . & now i'm blogging because its already midnight & i have literally nothing to do . Blogging is th only place where i can express & share my feelings , my everyday life to everyone who is reading .
Recently , i have been feeling rather stressed up . I dont even have any idea what am i feeling stress about . I lose my temper very easily . Be it a small issue or big issue . I get annoyed very easily even when somebody is worried about me , or caring for me . Sometimes i just wish to be left alone & not disturbed . I appreciate those people who still stay by my side regardless of how many times i lose my temper . I just cant find th right words to express it . It feels like i cant control my emotion . I felt so useless whenever i start raging & i cant do anything to make myself feel better or even those people who are concern about me . Th only person i wont lose my temper to is th person who i have always been thinking about . I think developing feelings for him is a wrong thing to do but you know , you can never control or decide who you want to love . He is so much older than me but to me , age is just a number & i dont even know how can i have feelings for him . Probably to him , its just puppy love , crush , or infatuation . Probably to him , i'm just a young girl & he should just ignore & carry on with his life . But he does affect my mood . Having to know his presence around me makes my day better & i feel happier . When he isnt around , i had no mood for anything & i dont feel happy at all . He have this pair of beautiful eyes & i just dont know what attracts me to him . A guy like him is hard to come by for me . He's just th type for me just like th few i had . Just everything i need . Its not like i have nobody chasing after me . I'm not boasting about it but i mean , which girl does not have admirers ? What i'm trying to imply on is that none of my admirers is th right one for me . This is th reason why i have been on my own for a year plus . I have been waiting for my kind of guy to appear . & yes , within this 1 year plus , i've met about 2 of my kind of guy . But it didnt work out for them . It hurts every single time when i've finally met th kind of guy for me but i'm just not th one for them . I'm not complaining that after all th effort i put in & it just didnt work out . I'm just saying that it cuts me deep inside & i barely have any hope for this anymore . I have been pondering about this issue for quite some time & it gives me a headache . It feels terrible to bottle it up to myself & keep this feeling as a secret . Sometimes i feel like i need someone to talk to about this . I have been thinking if i should let him know just to let it off my chest so that i'd feel better . But clearly , i know that if i were to tell him , he would probably just draw a line between us & keep a distance from me . That is something that i would not want it to happen . Anyway , i dont have to ponder about whether if i should let him know about it already . I have a gut feeling that he found out about it a few days ago . You can call me sensitive or paranoid but i feel that he is trying to draw a line in between us . Just what i expected . I have never expect that he would have any reaction or response to it . At least i feel better that he already knew . At least now i feel better that it have been expressed on this blog .
I apologize for writing this boring blog post . It must have been boring to read about this . Furthermore , its a pretty long paragraph hahaha . It must have hurt your eyes to try to read too . I just need a place to rant & express my feelings . Dont bother asking me to talk about it to a family member or a friend . Th only possible person i would talk to is my favourite girl , Vanessa . She have been through ups & downs with me , through thick & thin . She have never give up on me & never left me . Cant afford to lose her . 5 years of friendship & still counting ...
Isabel & Vanessa
喜欢他就告诉他 ...
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