I failed as a girlf .Life is miserable . Life is unpredictable . Life is not th same without him . Sighs , i made him angry again today . Such a useless me . Why do i have to keep provoking him . I didnt want to . It wasnt on purpose . Maybe its just that i do things without thinking . Yeah its right , i do things without thinking . Stupid girl . Really stupid . How can i lose th box of hearts . I lost him . That was more than enough . & now i lost that last thing i had for him . It meant so much to me that i actually chiong cab back to th place early in th morning at 5am . Went back to th place where i think i lost it . So devastated to not see th box anywhere . But only a few pieces of heart on th floor . Squat down , slowly picking up th few pieces of hearts . My heart aches . Its so painful . So saddening . Then i saw 3 big black plastic bags . Th kind of plastic bag that people use it for rubbish . Walked over there & start searching for th box . It stinks alot i swear . I felt like puking . Searched in th first bag , no box seen . Searched th second bag , i felt so happy th moment i saw th box . All th hearts were somehow like scattered all over in th bag . So i have to actually use my hands to search for all of th hearts . Went back home with th satisfied feeling . I stink alot at that point of time . Took an mrt home . Likea xiasuey . Reached home , shower , clean th box as well as th hearts . My tummy isnt working well with me . I just ate maggie . But tummy is still not happy . Forget it . I'll go to sleep right after this . Sighs . Its just one day away . I miss him . Its one day away to our first month anniversary . I still cant accept th fact that its over . Actually i somehow get to understand th reason of our breakup . He really needs a break . Because we're both recieving too much hurt from each other . He cant seem to understand me & i cant seem to understand him . He needs a break now to stop th pain & th hurt . & actually its not that i dont understand him . I do & i really do . Sometimes i just dont listen to what he say . Because i wanna go for what i want . He asked me to not come to his house because he is really dead tired . But i still went . Because i miss him & i wanna see him . & i finally came to realise that i'm so much at th wrong . I shouldnt have went out with them that night at cineleisure . But i bet you didnt know that i'm not th only girl there . There were other girls too . Okay whatever it is , i deserve all these . But can i have you back ? You've punished me enough already . Take it easy on me . I might be able to take too much of those . Can you hear my heartbeat ? Its still beating & going on strongly . Its yearning for you . My heart yearns for no one but you . I really want to be th best girlf you ever had . I tried . I failed . I'm willing to learn how to be a good girlf . I want to grow old with you . I want to die lying in your arms . I want to go through everything together with you . Taking care of you when you're sick . Being there for you when you're down . I want you to know that you're not alone . I'm still here for you . I still love you . Now & always . I know you're hurting too . I know you cried . Its okay to cry . We all cry . We are human & we do have feelings . You can cry infront of me too . Its okay . It really is . I'll stand by you , like a pillar supporting you when you're breaking down . I love you silly boy.
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